Speaking your Language

Its about speaking your language…. More than a sound board, but a sound board in of it itself is very valuable. Sharing and listening isnt part of the normal exchange, I know this because given the chance folks sititng in the chair ( Im a 17 year experienced Hairs stylist ) take the opportunity to share, and often times over share. So its not that its not wanted or needed, its more so not provided. 

Its also not that you need my advice or my input, you need my presence. Someone presence to hold the space while you get out the story, the pain, the idea and dreams you have. Its valuable because in many ways the ones we share our inner world with cant stop thinking about their own for long enough that you feel a type of shift and heard that you yourself become your own medicine. You listen to the words coming out of your mouth uninterrupted, and without the biases you have preconceived about yourself, and or the one listening. 

Imagine, or remember, telling a loved one, or friend that you dream of a life with travel and one with more comforts than you have currently, but you and or the person you choose to or have to talk to have never dreamed the dream for themselves. Likely they have have buried the dreams deep down and feel shame they can not and never have even tried, this feels like projection. If someone hasnt been where you are going, or been on their own path of adventure how could they hold space for your grand dream? Or even just the desire to feel better than you do now?  

Further more, most of our loved ones dont allow and accept feelings, sure they might undersatnd the mental health crisis and believe you should get the help you feel you need, but you bringing the feelings you have to them, only highlight and poke at their own pains. So while you seek relief in the exchange, you unknowingly bring pain up in them, and they shut down, making it feel like its you that is the problem, but in fact its just their challenge to face what is being presented. And that ok, its not what they want, but its what you need. 

There is another element to this, speaking your language…. Imagine going to loved one who for the sake of example is a Christain. You share your wooes and worries and the advice that is brought to you is biblical passages, in parables, one that even they have not found relief in, but have been taught that would bring ease to a troubled heart. Speaking as if jesus can save you from this trial if you just pray…. If that worked, and just prayer was the answer, then why are you still suffering? 

I imagine that AA was created with the steps because when you are in a dark place, rock bottom and dont know where to go, you need steps, practical direction. Truth and hard truths, support to help offer grace to the shame you carry. And the part about a sponsor is the element of healing, if they can do it so can You. They speak your language, they know the suffer, the pain, and yet they have some insight to share on how to escape. Or at the very least, they know you wont escape yet, that you want to, and they know the chains you carry, they can help you identify them and slowly inspire you see them for yourself and let them go when you feel you have the authority and control within yourself to do it. 

This work isnt about finding someone to save you, it about having someone on your side who believes you can save yourself, and help you notice with grace and objective verification of what ways you hold yourself back, or what patterns of behaviors that keep you in the place of darkness, or dissatisfaction. 

Maybe you need a new perspective, or strategy to see your way out of a mess… perspective change is just as radical as, if not an actual miracle. When you are surrounded by others who share the same limited beliefs its hard to rise above just enough to see a bigger picture. One that might offer a way out of the maze you have twisted your life into. 

You might know with your intellect that others have a life you would like to live, but the unconscious in you secretly says, “thats for them, not for me”.... and as far as you can see, and the behavoirs you repeat, that is true, that is for them, until you choose to look for a new way. 

Im not special because I found a new way from the path that was laid out before me, Im just an example of when I saw what the pattern would achieve, I was so scared it would be my life, I went searching bravely for a new way. I took risks those I surrounded myself with didnt understand. I stand on my own in the dark forest bush wacking my own trial. 

What you dont know when you start, is the path is already populated with others just like you, but maybe a step or two ahead. There ready to greet you and encourage you, knowing they too were once in your place, stepping into a void and hoping for it to at the very least be better than what you are leaving behind. I know becaus the ones I found helped me save myself, helped me along my way. 

Pain and suffering are the biggest chains we carry. We are used to this flavor, this version of suffering, and pain that we dont choose to take on a new temporary suffer of something new, in hopes of something, some way that wont feel this painful. Its no different than exercise… You are suffering in the body with health issues realted to weight and such, and the path to relief in the furture is to suufer each day in the gym or the sidewalk, to make changes to your habitual diet, skip the food and environments that bring you temporary comfort, for a known longer lasting ease in your health and well being. Its asks you if you are willining to give up the moments of numbing delight, for a lifetime of health and unknown joy you just havent experienced yet. 

Working on your mindset, and behaviors will be similar. Looking at the ways you are responsible for your life through your actions, and who and what you blame might hurt your feelings. Taking responsibility for your behavior isnt easy, its brave and courageous. Its seeing and saying I might have been doing my best with what I knew, but know I see its important to know and do better. 

There is elements of shame and guilt that feel just as tight and sore as muscles being awakened in the gym. Like having a trainer to encourage you its normal, and you can push through… you have someone on you side reminding you of grace, how to see your truth and offer a gentle loving “just because, doesnt mean”. Yes it was hard, and yes it sucks, but just because that happened doesnt mean you cannot grow and learn and make meaningful change.